i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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