the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
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She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
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Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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