Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
