i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
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this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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