Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
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Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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