Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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