I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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