Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
