I'm really into asian looking animals
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
