Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
