i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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