I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
