I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
