i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
