They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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