Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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