Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
