I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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