tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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