genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
