I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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