The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
