Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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