I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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