I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
