On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
