So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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