even my farts smell like vagina
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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