I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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