So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
