We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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