good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
