Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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