remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
