gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
