Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
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My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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