After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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