Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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