i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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