It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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