oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
