About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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