She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just puked most of my soul out..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
