Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
