I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize