Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
