Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
