Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
