I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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