she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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