if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
