Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
