he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
