Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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