Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
