somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
