I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I understand Curling. That high.
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I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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