OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize