Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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