I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
