Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
