I accidentally had phone sex last night
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
