if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
