My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
