I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
