she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she pinky promised me she was 18
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
