smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
