I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
