babies were throwing up all over the place
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
