I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
