my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you never un-have a 4some
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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