is your mom at the bar?
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Randomize
