I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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