I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
