So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
