There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
