Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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