Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
