I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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