i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
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Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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