Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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